she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
