wanna go halves on a baby?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
