Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
