let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
