Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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