She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
