he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
whose parrot is this?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize