i was born a porn star she said
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
