Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
