I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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