is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Found the puke drawer
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
