I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
