apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
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