a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
