It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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