found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
