Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
