I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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