I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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