I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
