The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
