I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
