she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
