the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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