Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
