Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
