Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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