You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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