i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
