My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
