He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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