i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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