Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
