great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
