im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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