It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
