worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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