What a fucking waste of an outfit
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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