shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
