Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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