is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize