The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
