Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
