this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
