The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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