Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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