I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
