drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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