In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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