and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
