I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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