Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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