Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
