how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
