my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
