I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
