but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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