she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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