I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
