He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
