Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
