Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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