my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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